We don’t need no shhhtinkan privacy
Yea so I finally did get around to reading Googles new (as of 02-02-12) privacy statement that has been at the top of their search results page for several days now. They claim it is a simplified privacy policy that covers their whole range of services under one easy to understand statement. They even define words like “cookie” and “child pornography”. No just kidding on that last one.
Although the Google lawyers are probably patting themselves on the back for reducing the morrass of legalese that usually permeates these types of documents, I can easily one up them by rewriting the whole document thusly:
Googles New Privacy Statement.
“You don’t got no privacy EVAR!!!!
(period)”
See, I managed to say in six simple words what still took Google, even in their simplified statement, six pages to say. They should fucking pay me. PAY ME GODDAMMIT GOOGLE!!!
As an addendum, and just to make sure even the least intelligent web users understand, I would add:
“This means that we will basically be camped out on the screen of your smart phone or computer even if you only use ANY Google service incidentally. We will be looking at what you look at, reading your mail and laughing at the jokes any if your friends post on any social feed that touches us. We will know who you call, what you browse for, and using the accelerometer built into your phone, can even know when you are masturbating to raunchy Internet porn.
We will use all this knowledge to our own best interests and won’t hesitate to turn it over to authorities whenever they want it. Love Google”
Of course I knew this was coming. No one who’s mission statement is “Don’t be Evil” ever remains Not Evil. It’s just a sad fact of human nature. Since I am actually a fox, I have the moral high ground. No fox has ever tried to dominate the world, information or otherwise. So NYAA!
Sapphire
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